Secrets to Stress Free Entertaining

I had been planning this article in my head for a few days, ready to share all the “rules” for being a good host and guest with you when I had one of those proverbial lightbulb moments and decided to change tack a little.

I had just finished putting away all the shopping for a barbecue we would be hosting and decided to try making some lemon ice cream. As I stood there mixing the custard, I suddenly decided that if it didn’t turn out, I’d just buy some. This may not seem like a big deal, but for someone whose Plan B would have been to try a second batch, I suddenly felt relieved to take the pressure off myself. I realized that making a second batch would needlessly tire and stress me out, and if I wanted to enjoy our friends’ company, I needed to give myself a break.

Give Yourself a Break

Protocol officers are trained to have contingency plans, so it’s second nature for me to make lists and plan and organize every last detail. If you’re hosting, I encourage you to do the same. Even if it’s a casual get-together, making a list of things you need to buy and do will keep you from becoming frazzled when your guests arrive or you are tied to the kitchen cooking when you should be socializing. Guests can pick up on a host’s frenetic energy, so if you want people to have a good time, you need to be able to relax.

Managing Your Expectations

Although entertaining has gotten more casual over the years, it rarely seems to be a stress-free experience for the host. Whether motivated to achieve Instagram-worthy dishes and décor, influenced by how easily TV personalities throw together perfect meals and parties, or driven by self-imposed pressure to impress, entertaining should ultimately be about having and providing a memorable experience.

So, if you’re a host, instead of stressing yourself out and biting off more than you can chew, managing your expectations and consider how you can make your life easier. I will concede that trying to make lemon ice cream from scratch for my party may have been a bridge too far. We want to connect with our friends and family, and have full-bellied laughs because at the end of the day, a fun get-together is uplifting and maybe even helps us realize that life is good.

Guests Have Important Role

Now, if you think hosts carry the responsibility of an event’s success solely on their shoulders, think again. Guests also have an important role to play. People don’t generally get invited to eat the food or because they always show up with a great bottle of wine.

They are invited because, presumably, they’re engaging and fun company. Hosts appreciate guests who go out of their way to talk to others who don’t seem to be having a good time. They also appreciate guests who can adapt and don’t complain when the event unexpectedly turns into a nostalgic Friends viewing party.

GUEST Responsibilities:

1. RSVP within 48 hours of receiving the invitation. (Any longer, and it may look like you’re waiting for something better to come along.)
2. Don’t show up if you haven’t RSVP’d, or worse, with an additional (uninvited) guest.
3. Be punctual.
4. Inform your host of any food restrictions in a timely manner.
5. Avoid expressing your dislike for certain foods or criticizing the food in any way, and try a little of everything.
6. Bring a thoughtful host(ess) gift. For example, if you’re bringing flowers, make sure they are already in a vase so that hosts don’t have to take the time to prep them themselves.
7. Send a thank-you note or call your host afterwards to show your appreciation.
8. Don’t monopolize the host. Engage others.
9. Offer to fix, clean or replace anything you may have accidentally damaged.
10. Don’t overstay your welcome.

HOST Role

The rules are important and for those of you keen to know them, I’ve listed them here. They are reminders of how to treat one another with consideration. However, I hope I’ve underlined that a memorable experience should be everyone’s goal because let’s face it, people rarely remember whether the veggie platter was colour-coordinated but everyone remembers whether or not they had a good time.

HOST Responsibilities:

1. Send out a timely invite that answers the 5 Ws—who, what, when, where, and why.
2. Keep table décor low so guests can see each other across the table.
3. Keep any flowers/candles unscented so that they don’t interfere with the food or people’s allergies.
4. Mix up the seating arrangement so that introverts sit next to extroverts and no one feels isolated.
5. Be organized so that when guests arrive, you’re available to welcome them and introduce them to others.
6. Do take your guests’ dietary restrictions into consideration when planning the food.
7. Relax and play to your strengths!

Much success and Merry Christmas!