Sherry Lachine
Prepare to move and move NOW! Move your house, change your job, change your support systems, change your community, disrupt day-to-day operations, deal with ambiguity, add to your list of things to do, deal with stress, etc., etc…
Transition to something new or something different comes with an action pack of emotions. New experiences often do even when we don’t think they will. We often dig deep and just make it happen. I love that there are supports for military members when moving and transitioning (including out of the Forces).
While many things are taken care of financially, which helps support the burden, let’s not forget that there are challenges and that they affect everyone differently. We all handle transition differently in our own ways. Connecting and reaching out for assistance every step of the way is important. Stress can accumulate, and we need ways to let off some steam and take care of ourselves and our family.
Mindset
My biggest challenge when getting posted was a mindset I adopted: the “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality, as the saying goes. I remember someone telling me a story of how they had their house set up and had a party within two days of moving in. I was so anxious and worked harder to get my own house setup, because, well, the bar was set, and it was high.
The cost was my own mental health. I lost sleep and was easily angered. Well, that didn’t work. We all have different norms and ways of doing things. Accepting this is important. Keep it simple, keep it you, and do the things you can. It’s always good to push yourself a bit and do things that make you proud of your accomplishments and endeavours, but be careful, choose what those are and assess as you go.
I suppose this is the same for all areas of our lives. Looking up to others’ accomplishments and being inspired to do better or more can be a lovely or even healthy thought, but there is a line. Check in with yourself, ask – so who are you doing this for? You? Your family? Or are you doing it for the perceptions and accolades from others? So, here are three steps to hopefully support you during your transition (transition, as in – new job, new house, new marriage, new child, new pet, you get the idea).
STEP 1 | Set Realistic Expectations
We may be setting unrealistic expectations of ourselves or seeking perfection. Please remember that –“Pobody is Nerfect” – so you may want to let that go (shout out to Steve Nash of http://TraditionalExcellence.com – you are Nerfect!) and let yourself off the hook. Forgive thyself when something happens like forgetting to pay a bill, forgetting to make an appointment, or losing or breaking a cherished item– we have all been there.
STEP 2 | Look for Support
Many communities have Military Family Resource Centres (MFRCs) that you can walk into and ask for services and assistance. Here in Kingston, they are welcoming and helpful – give it a try in your community.
Or use the Family Information Line 1-800-866-4546 – http://CAFconnection.ca – 24/7 information, support, and referrals. You don’t have to be alone. There is also the Member Assistance Program (1-800-268-7708) where you can call 24 hours a day and be connected to a counsellor in your area.
STEP 3 | Self-Care
Self-care isn’t selfish, it is self-compassion and now your new-normal. Often and always prioritize your care so that you have the capacity to do what you want and need to do. I find myself saying statements like: “sorry, I am not able to attend, I am going to spend some time taking care of myself right now, perhaps another time.”
Self-care can take many forms: creative, spiritual, physical, emotional, social, nutritional and more. Investigate new ways of taking care of yourself too. Google “ideas for self-care” to find something that resonates with you, then do it. I just recently discovered beer yoga (yes, that is a thing!).
May all your transitions be as smooth as they can and create opportunities to learn about yourself and new events, people, and situations.
