Mishall Rehman
Military couples looking to rekindle their romance or make their solid marriage even stronger can now fill up their “love tank” by turning to the latest installment in The 5 Love Languages series — 5 Love Languages: Military Edition.
For those of you discovering the 5 Love Languages series for the first time, the book by bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman helps couples learn that what makes them feel loved may not make their partner feel the same way. “A love language is a way of communicating love emotionally,” says Chapman. “What makes one person feel loved doesn’t necessarily make another person feel loved. For example, some people feel loved when you give them words of affirmation. They just thrive on words. And for other people actions speak louder than words.”
According to Chapman the 5 love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch.
Unique Challenges Military Couples
The military edition of the book gives couples practical ways to still communicate each other’s love languages through the many unique challenges military couples face. Readers can take away practical suggestions on how to communicate their love even while deployed. While love languages such as words of affirmation and gifts are still fairly easy to communicate while deployed, love languages such as quality time, acts of service and physical touch require a little creativity.
For quality time, for example, spouses can take up a book together and read it while apart. Or the home front spouse can venture to learn the deployed spouse’s favorite hobby or sport suggests award winning author Jocelyn Green, who also helped bring the military edition of the book to life. For acts of service, Green suggests the deployed spouse can ensure everything around the house is in tip top shape before leaving.
Practical Suggestions
The book even gives practical suggestions on how to communicate love through physical touch, if your spouse speaks that language.
“One lady said. ‘I place my hand on a sheet of paper and I trace my hand and I mail it to my husband whose language is physical touch. And I said put your hand on my hand and let me hold your hand.’ And he said later, when I talked to him, that he felt her,” says Chapman.
Handwritten letters are also a good approach to communicating love if your spouse’s love language is quality time.
The military edition of 5 love languages, not only provides tips for lessening emotional distances while separated but also gives tips on how to keep a marriage strong through other key challenges military couples face such as reintegration and relocations.
Keeping Romance Alive – While Apart
“When we move often there’s a lot of emotional trauma to it. But if the two of you are connected emotionally, you are secure in each other’s love so it’s much easier to work through the transition to a new place,” says Chapman.
As a former military wife herself, Green understands how difficult it can be to keep the romance alive while apart. Green believes that couples who stay connected while deployed find the reintegration period to be smoother.
Green recommends the book to all couples whether they have rocky or rock solid relationships.
“You can still express love effectively during the deployment and that’s going to make the reintegration period a lot easier,” says Green. “Obviously there are challenges that you are going to go through when you are getting to know each other all over again. But if you are already feeling secure in one another’s love for each other, I think navigating those waters is going to be a lot easier.”
Dealing with Stressful Parts of Military Marriages
The book features stories from dozens of couples from all walks of military life; from enlisted soldiers to officers and all branches. It also features a new chapter called Love Languages Scramblers that discusses how to deal with the most stressful parts of military marriages such as PTSD, reintegration and deployment through the love languages.
Green recommends the book to all couples whether they have rocky or rock solid relationships.
“I encourage people to read it even if you don’t think that your marriage is in crisis. A lot of times we wait until our marriage is in trouble to look for a book. But this book can take a struggling marriage and really give it a strong foundation but it can also take a good marriage and make it great.”
Though the divorce rate is higher between military couples than civilian couples, Dr. Chapman believes that through finding the right love language, couples can keep the emotional love alive in their relationship ensuring that not only can individuals have successful military careers but successful marriages with their partners as well.
Take Online Quiz to Learn your Love Language
Do you want to know yours, your spouse’s or your children’s love language? Chapman also has a book dedicated to children’s love languages. Visit 5lovelanguages.com to take the online quiz to find out your love language, order the book and view other 5 Love Language of Love resources.
